If ye love me, keep my commandments. John 14:15
He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: . . . John 14:21
Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: . . . . John 14:23
He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: . . . . John 14:24
I love him, I love him not!
Is it possible that these sobering words from Jesus can at the same time be a source of comfort and consternation. That is what they are to me!
I love him therefore I keep his commandments and words. I do not keep them perfectly or at times even consistently, therefore I do not love him as I ought, and certainly not as he deserves. I do not know that I will ever love him as I should in this life. I want to love him, I desire to love him, and at times I do love him with an obedience that amazes me; an obedience that causes me to humbly admit I only love him with his love that has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost. Then there are the other times, the times of disobedience and unbelief; the times when I don't love him; the times when self-interest assumes the helm and I am propelled by the flesh and carnal interest.
I guess I find myself in the awkward place of loving him more than I ever have and yet realizing I do not love him as I ought. The words of Jesus in John fourteen keep me thankful, humble, and longing. Thankful I love him as much as I do. Humble when I consider that I love him because he first love me. Longing to love him more!